Control
by KarySky
Summary: Set after Countrycide. Ianto tries to supress his attraction to Jack while coping with the events of Countrycide.


**Disclamers: I own nothing but this fanfiction. **

**Thanks to Vella for the Betaying of this story. **

**Control **

Ianto sat at the reception desk, ruffling through papers, looking for his report. He knew he put it there but he couldn't find it anywhere. He glanced outside. A pale light was slowly overcoming the darkness of the night over the bay. It was almost morning. Ianto would need to go home to change. But he needed his report.

"Damn where did I put it?" he asked aloud, getting up from his chair, angry.

"Are you looking for this?" said a voice from the doorway.

Ianto turned around, startled, his breath catching in his throat when he saw his boss's figure leaning casually against the door frame, waving his report. Ianto's eyes travelled from the outstretched report to Jack's eyes. They were questioning.

"How are you Ianto?"

"I'm fine, Sir."

Jack raised an eyebrow and walked towards the younger man, giving him back his report. Ianto remembered word by word what was written in those pages. He had described all the events that happened the week before.

"You look tired."

Ianto closed his eyes. He hadn't been able to sleep since they came back. Everyone was safe and sound. But he couldn't get the thoughts out of his head. Their horrible smirks. Their acid breaths. The murder in their eyes. Their hunger. Ianto shivered. Jack put a hand on his shoulder and the warmth it emanated made Ianto shiver even more.

"You know you can talk to me, Ianto. What's wrong?"

"Everything is perfectly fine."

Jack laughed. "Right. That's why you stayed here all week, not getting any sleep?"

His eyes bored into Ianto's. "It's normal to be scared after what we saw. What do you think I see when I close my eyes?"

When Ianto didn't answer, he went on.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see the horrors I've witnessed in my life. All the people I couldn't save. They yell at me, asking why I couldn't help them. It's maddening. But then, when morning comes, and light shines once more, the horrors go away and beauty fills my vision once again. Light will shine again in yours too, Ianto. Just give it some time. Seeing those things doesn't make you a coward, it makes you human."

How could Jack know him so much? Ianto had tried so hard to hide his feelings about what happened. Did Jack read between the lines of his report? Did Ianto let slip any hint that he might have felt completely scared and out of control during his captivity? Ianto hated not being in control, but he hated even more when people could see him losing control.

Jack was so close to Ianto now that the younger man could feel body heat emanating from him. And he could smell his scent. How he wished he could lose himself in that scent forever.

Images flooded his mind from the night they caught the pterodactyl.

_How he had forgotten all about Lisa when they were on top of each other, laughing at their victory and then fighting the urge to kiss. How he had felt so alive for a second. All his problems had disappeared as he stared into those eyes, inching closer to kiss those full lips. Until reality had burst in again. He couldn't. He had Lisa. And she needed him. But if he were to kiss Jack right there, would he employ him? Ianto had gotten up as soon as that thought had formed, disgusted with himself._

Other images came.

_The kiss that brought him back to life when he was almost dead. The constant flirting. The smiles. The innuendos._

Ianto came back to reality upon hearing Jack's voice. He wasn't so near anymore. Ianto felt disappointed at the loss of heat. His hands were slightly shaking.

"Take the day off, you need to sleep. Those dark circles under your eyes don't do you justice. Put on that red shirt of yours when you come back, it's dashing."

He flashed a flirty smile at Ianto and went to go back through the passageway to the hub. Ianto took a deep breath to try to control his raging heartbeat. Close proximity with Jack always had this effect on him. How derisory was the idea that as much as Ianto yearned for control over every aspect of his life, he couldn't help but long to abandon himself in that man.

Right before crossing the threshold, Jack turned around.

"One last thing, Ianto."

He paused.

"Why did you lie to them?"

"Pardon?"

"When Gwen started the snogging discussion, why did you lie to them?"

Ianto looked at Jack, taken aback.

"I did not lie..."

"The hell you did!"

He wasn't angry. He was amused. Ianto could see he was genuinely intrigued despite his amusement.

"I was the last person you kissed."

How he could stand there and casually talk about kissing, Ianto had no idea. He was himself still coping with the physical effects of having been near Jack for a couple of seconds.

"Well, if I remember correctly, Sir, Gwen's words were: 'Who did you last snog?'"

Jack raised an eyebrow. Didn't he know how much effect this gesture had on him? Ianto stepped closer to Jack.

"Now, I hardly qualify the kiss you gave me as snogging."

Ianto's heart was threatening to burst from his ribcage. He continued to step closer to his boss. Jack didn't move, though his eyes darted to Ianto's lips and came back to his eyes. Ianto's heart skipped a beat. He was sure Jack wanted this. But it scared him.

"It was more like a kiss of life, wasn't it?"

Now he was level to Jack, barely an inch between them. Ianto's feet wanted to step away, and go home. But he couldn't. He was frozen on the spot. He just wanted to kiss those lips, just this once. Jack's tongue darted to moist his lips. He knew what was coming. His eyes were screaming 'just kiss me for god's sake!'

It had been so long since Ianto had last kissed someone properly. He almost hurt from need.

His head inched closer to Jack's and Jack's eyes were fixed upon Ianto's lips.

The hell with control.

"Now this would qualify as snogging, Sir."

Ianto plunged in and enveloped Jack's lips with his, hands wrapping around Jack's shoulders. As their tongues darted to touch each other, Ianto pushed Jack against the wall. It felt so good to lose that tiny last bit of control. Jack's hands cupped Ianto's neck, bringing him even closer to him. Ianto could feel Jack's arousal against his. Every centimetre of his body was in contact with Jack. He was enveloped in heat as their lips and tongues continued to caress each other.

Jack whispered his name against his lips. Ianto broke the kiss.

They gazed at each other, panting. Fear and shame suddenly gripped Ianto's heart as he remembered that he had wanted to kiss Jack, a long time ago, to manipulate him into employing him. But he didn't. He couldn't. He couldn't because he hadn't wanted to break that instant connection he had felt with him. But right now, one inch from Jack's face, the past guilt engulfed him in an uncharacteristically irrational way.

"I'm sorry, that was way out of line, Sir."

He could see Jack's eyes shining with disappointment and unresolved desire, but Ianto wasn't ready to go any further. He turned and walked outside, still breathing heavily, not seeing Jack combing a hand through his hair, trying to get his own breath under control.

As Ianto walked towards his car, he looked at the rising sun. What did he want, exactly? He had always felt desire towards Jack, but he had never given in, not wanting to use Jack like he had first intended to do. But now Lisa was dead. Ianto braced himself against the hurt that always accompanied Lisa's memory but this time it didn't come. He faintly smiled as he opened the door. He was healing from her. He dared think he was ready for more. He had no dark motives to get closer to Jack. Just the simple longing to be with him.

"Now things are going to get very exciting, aren't they?"

--


End file.
